Post #150

I figured it would make sense to have a number that you can round to as my final blog post in this blog.
Oops. I meant to save that.
Well, now that the cat's out of the bag, after ten days of consideration (see, it's been ten days since my last post), I've decided that I need a new blog. There's too much from my past that I'd rather not have resurfacing in my future here, and I think the best way for me to start 'cleansing my soul' or whatever, is to start somewhere else, where I can have fresh thoughts.
So for those of you interested, the new link is: Sitting, Waiting, Wishing. Hopefully you'll all look into that soon. I'd hate to lose readers just because I have blog ADD. I may or may not change my mind at any given time and come back here, but I'll warn you if I do.
So long for now, and hopefully I will see you all at the new blog!

I really shouldn't miss you, but I can't let you go.

The new Kelly Clarkson single rocks. Seriously, you should all go listen to it.

Today was Mesa's surgery. We spent six hours in the hospital, chilling, waiting for all of it to happen and be over. We sang to her, and asked the nurses questions about the hospital and why it didn't look like Seattle Grace in Grey's, and where McDreamy was. And we brought food to the waiting room of the surgery, where everyone there hadn't eaten since midnight the night before, and we felt kind of bitchy, but it was funny.
We went to Wal-Mart after, and bought posters to decorate our room with. We got Edward from Twilight, and three Jonas Brothers posters, ahahaha. It looks sweet. Carole's here again too, which is nice. I like her.
I also dyed Cathie's hair. She hates it, but the rest of us thinks it looks really good. Some breast friend she is.

Anyway, today's been an okay day, I suppose. I don't know. We'll see how it ends. I think I'm gonna go to bed soon, but I'm going to read my english first, and then watch some Heroes or Grey's or something. Whatevs.

Oh, give me the words again

This entry is going to be in point form, because I'm too lazy to make paragraphs.
1. New podcast is up. Go check it out.
2. You fucking confuse me. Stop it.
3. I don't need more people to baby me, so please don't.
4. Diaramas are the shit.
5. I'm a week ahead in philosophy
6. Baby, don't cry, gonna make some pie; gonna make pie with a heart in the middle
7. Mesa gets surgery tomorrow, so it's another hospital day.
8. khhkajvshdajvsdj

That is all.

I always say how I don't need you, but it always comes right back to this.

Basically, I lose. I don't really know why, but my brain and I are not cooperating. I have so many thoughts going through my head, and so many questions to ask. But I just don't know what to do with them all.

I need to remember to breathe.

PS: If you're so concerned, why haven't you made an effort? You should know that I'd want you to.

10 Things I Hate About You

Patrick: Cameron - do you like the girl?
Cameron: Yeah.
Patrick: Yeah. And is she worth all the trouble?
Cameron: Well, I thought she was. But, you know, I -
Patrick: Well, she is or she isn't. See, first of all, Joey is not half the man you are. Secondly, don't you ever let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want. Go for it!

Kat: I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you're always right, I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly, I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.

I am spending far too much time in hospitals. It's a problem. Last night, at about 2:30am, I accidentally broke Melissa's finger, haha. I slammed it into a door (she put her hand there, because she's stupid, and she was drunk). So we had to take her to emergency. We were there until 7 this morning. It took for freaking ever. We slept on the benches in the waiting room while we were waiting for her to come back out. We have to take her back today, because there was a big miscommunication and her records weren't faxed to the plastic surgery place, so she can't get a pin in her finger and have it re-broken to be put back into shape until that's done. And they have her phone anyway, so that works out well. But yeah. Point is, hospitals are dumb.

On a lighter note, I love Kathleen. We were on the phone for about three hours last night. It was lovely. =)
She also forwarded me an email she received from Carla Draper, from FAC. She was emailing Kathleen to ask her about me, and what happened over the break, and if there's any way that they can help me out or support me at Foothills. I was pretty shocked, to be honest. I mean, I went to Foothills for the first time since September last week, and it's not like I went all the time before anyway, especially before this last year. It was nice though, at the same time. Pastor Sam wants to contact me and talk about everything and stuff, so I figured why not. I like Sam. And maybe it'll be easier for me to figure my life out between talking to Sam and talking to Dr. Brown. We'll see, I suppose.

Yay for already not going to class. This is the only time, I swear.

I lied about the blonde. I think I'd regret it immensely if I did it. Though it'll get done one day.

I have about a thousand thoughts running through my head. I'm in a place right now, and I don't really know what to do about it or say or whatever. It's just a place. I hate places. They shouldn't exist.

I know I said I'd write a blog entry about my experience in the last two and a half weeks, but really, I don't think I will. However, if you have any questions you want to ask me, depending on how ridiculous they are, I'd be more than happy to answer them.
On that note, I don't want people worrying about me all the time. I know that it's hard, and that you're bound to, simply due to circumstances, but I really don't want anyone to worry. And if you are worrying, please keep as much as you feel is necessary to yourself. I hate it when people worry, and I hate it even more if I cause the worry, so then I worry, and my brain doesn't agree with more stress. I appreciate it, and I love you all for it.

I also am still sick. And I think I may be sicker than I thought, because this morning, I woke up an hour before my class. I know. I had time to really get ready, and look hot. So I did. But the thing that really did was.....I had breakfast this morning. That's right. I had breakfast. I can't even remember the last time I ate breakfast. It's been months. It's ridiculous.

Anyway, that's all. Now you know the deal. And those lists will be finished soon. But for now, I have a shitload of reading to do, and then I'm going to bed.