No one belongs here more than you.

Post #150

2009-01-24T00:32:00.002-07:00

I figured it would make sense to have a number that you can round to as my final blog post in this blog.
Oops. I meant to save that.
Well, now that the cat's out of the bag, after ten days of consideration (see, it's been ten days since my last post), I've decided that I need a new blog. There's too much from my past that I'd rather not have resurfacing in my future here, and I think the best way for me to start 'cleansing my soul' or whatever, is to start somewhere else, where I can have fresh thoughts.
So for those of you interested, the new link is: Sitting, Waiting, Wishing. Hopefully you'll all look into that soon. I'd hate to lose readers just because I have blog ADD. I may or may not change my mind at any given time and come back here, but I'll warn you if I do.
So long for now, and hopefully I will see you all at the new blog!

I really shouldn't miss you, but I can't let you go.

2009-01-13T22:19:00.004-07:00

The new Kelly Clarkson single rocks. Seriously, you should all go listen to it.

Today was Mesa's surgery. We spent six hours in the hospital, chilling, waiting for all of it to happen and be over. We sang to her, and asked the nurses questions about the hospital and why it didn't look like Seattle Grace in Grey's, and where McDreamy was. And we brought food to the waiting room of the surgery, where everyone there hadn't eaten since midnight the night before, and we felt kind of bitchy, but it was funny.
We went to Wal-Mart after, and bought posters to decorate our room with. We got Edward from Twilight, and three Jonas Brothers posters, ahahaha. It looks sweet. Carole's here again too, which is nice. I like her.
I also dyed Cathie's hair. She hates it, but the rest of us thinks it looks really good. Some breast friend she is.

Anyway, today's been an okay day, I suppose. I don't know. We'll see how it ends. I think I'm gonna go to bed soon, but I'm going to read my english first, and then watch some Heroes or Grey's or something. Whatevs.

Oh, give me the words again

2009-01-13T02:03:00.000-07:00

This entry is going to be in point form, because I'm too lazy to make paragraphs.
1. New podcast is up. Go check it out.
2. You fucking confuse me. Stop it.
3. I don't need more people to baby me, so please don't.
4. Diaramas are the shit.
5. I'm a week ahead in philosophy
6. Baby, don't cry, gonna make some pie; gonna make pie with a heart in the middle
7. Mesa gets surgery tomorrow, so it's another hospital day.
8. khhkajvshdajvsdj

That is all.

I always say how I don't need you, but it always comes right back to this.

2009-01-11T23:55:00.003-07:00

Basically, I lose. I don't really know why, but my brain and I are not cooperating. I have so many thoughts going through my head, and so many questions to ask. But I just don't know what to do with them all.

I need to remember to breathe.

PS: If you're so concerned, why haven't you made an effort? You should know that I'd want you to.

10 Things I Hate About You

2009-01-10T21:55:00.006-07:00

Patrick: Cameron - do you like the girl?
Cameron: Yeah.
Patrick: Yeah. And is she worth all the trouble?
Cameron: Well, I thought she was. But, you know, I -
Patrick: Well, she is or she isn't. See, first of all, Joey is not half the man you are. Secondly, don't you ever let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want. Go for it!

Kat: I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you're always right, I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly, I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.

2009-01-09T13:36:00.003-07:00

I am spending far too much time in hospitals. It's a problem. Last night, at about 2:30am, I accidentally broke Melissa's finger, haha. I slammed it into a door (she put her hand there, because she's stupid, and she was drunk). So we had to take her to emergency. We were there until 7 this morning. It took for freaking ever. We slept on the benches in the waiting room while we were waiting for her to come back out. We have to take her back today, because there was a big miscommunication and her records weren't faxed to the plastic surgery place, so she can't get a pin in her finger and have it re-broken to be put back into shape until that's done. And they have her phone anyway, so that works out well. But yeah. Point is, hospitals are dumb.

On a lighter note, I love Kathleen. We were on the phone for about three hours last night. It was lovely. =)
She also forwarded me an email she received from Carla Draper, from FAC. She was emailing Kathleen to ask her about me, and what happened over the break, and if there's any way that they can help me out or support me at Foothills. I was pretty shocked, to be honest. I mean, I went to Foothills for the first time since September last week, and it's not like I went all the time before anyway, especially before this last year. It was nice though, at the same time. Pastor Sam wants to contact me and talk about everything and stuff, so I figured why not. I like Sam. And maybe it'll be easier for me to figure my life out between talking to Sam and talking to Dr. Brown. We'll see, I suppose.

Yay for already not going to class. This is the only time, I swear.

2009-01-08T22:40:00.002-07:00

I lied about the blonde. I think I'd regret it immensely if I did it. Though it'll get done one day.

I have about a thousand thoughts running through my head. I'm in a place right now, and I don't really know what to do about it or say or whatever. It's just a place. I hate places. They shouldn't exist.

I know I said I'd write a blog entry about my experience in the last two and a half weeks, but really, I don't think I will. However, if you have any questions you want to ask me, depending on how ridiculous they are, I'd be more than happy to answer them.
On that note, I don't want people worrying about me all the time. I know that it's hard, and that you're bound to, simply due to circumstances, but I really don't want anyone to worry. And if you are worrying, please keep as much as you feel is necessary to yourself. I hate it when people worry, and I hate it even more if I cause the worry, so then I worry, and my brain doesn't agree with more stress. I appreciate it, and I love you all for it.

I also am still sick. And I think I may be sicker than I thought, because this morning, I woke up an hour before my class. I know. I had time to really get ready, and look hot. So I did. But the thing that really did was.....I had breakfast this morning. That's right. I had breakfast. I can't even remember the last time I ate breakfast. It's been months. It's ridiculous.

Anyway, that's all. Now you know the deal. And those lists will be finished soon. But for now, I have a shitload of reading to do, and then I'm going to bed.

I was once alive when you held me.

2009-01-04T19:42:00.003-07:00

I have like, three blog entries that aren't finished yet, but will get finished in the next little while. Once everything is settled, and I'm back in Lethbridge and set up, anyway.
I just wanted to find out how many people would be against me dying my hair blonde, hahaha. I want opinions! Let me know =)

Garden State.

2009-01-04T18:41:00.001-07:00

Sam: What are you doing?
Andrew: Remember that idea I had, about working stuff out on my own, and then finding you once I worked stuff out?
Sam: The ellipsis?
Andrew: Yeah, the ellipsis, it's dumb. It's dumb. It's an awful idea. I'm not gonna do it, okay? Cause like you said, this is it. This is life. And I'm in love with you... I think that's the only thing I've ever really been sure of in my entire life. And I'm really messed up right now, and I got a whole lot of stuff I have to work out, but I don't want to waste any more of my life without you in it. And I think I can do this. I mean, I want to. I have to, right?

Everyone's a critic, but most people are DJs.

2009-01-03T01:55:00.003-07:00

Alright. So I think resolutions are a bit ridiculous, and the whole 'new year, new start' thing is a bit overrated. So there will be none of that here.
However, there will be more positive things coming from me. Or at least I'm going to attempt to be more positive. And I'm going to pursue every plan I have this year. I'm telling you. It's going to happen. They may change a bit, depending on what life throws at me, but I'm going to do my best to do them.

My top 10 lists are almost done. They'll be posted soon =)

2008-12-31T14:57:00.001-07:00

I am free for the night! Yay!

I again want to apologize to everyone for the scare. And thanks again to everyone who visited or brought things, or whatever. I love all of you so much, and you should be more than aware that I would never do anything to hurt you.
Lovelovelovelovelooooooooooove<3

Holy Shit! A Video Blog!

2008-12-22T23:46:00.003-07:00

I thought it would be fun. I'm a noob, I know.

2008-12-22T16:02:00.002-07:00

I'm in a weird place right now. I don't know why, or what it really is. All I know is that it's weird.
Therefore, I apologize if it seems like I'm disinterested, or you feel like I don't want to talk to you, or whatever. It's not the case. I'm just trying to figure shit out.

That wasn't me, that was alter-ego.

2008-12-20T18:19:00.003-07:00

This is going to be in point form, because I'm currently not in the mood to get my act together and remember how to write full sentences and paragraphs.
1. I have never blacked out so badly in my life. Holy eff. Though it was hilarious.
2. There is now clear evidence that whether or not I'm sober, I will always listen to Ben. Always. Don't ask me why.
3. Even though I don't remember doing it, my drunk texting is absolutely flawless. I was impressed.
4. I keep thinking that I did something exponentially stupid and embarrassing, and it was so exponentially stupid and embarrassing that no one wants to mention it. It keeps bothering me, though I've been assured several times that I didn't. Sigh. Whatevs.

I'll be in your ear, increase the fear

2008-12-17T23:47:00.003-07:00

Sometimes, I wonder if we ever actually really know our friends. I always seem to think I know someone, and then they do something that I would find completely out of character, and then re-evaluate how I see them. It's not like those out of character things are ever bad, it's just not what you'd expect from them, so it throws you off. I don't know, I just wonder if we actually know anyone, and if anyone actually knows us. I know there are some traits or hobbies or past events that I have that some people would find out of character for me.
It's just a thought.

Other news, I have to go to Tribal Expression tomorrow to get a new labret piercing, since I lost the ball off the end of it. Which is okay, because I was due for a stem shortening anyway. But I wasn't planning on doing it before Christmas seeing as, well, I'm broke. I don't think I can afford to get a new one, which is a really big problem. I'm having a hard time with it now as it is.

Sigh. Today was just an odd day.

UPDATE: HOLY SHIT, I PASSED SOCIOLOGY!!!

I seem to think I think I gotta little situation

2008-12-17T01:18:00.004-07:00

You know how everyone has their own special place? One where they can completely be themselves, and not have to worry about what they say or do? Maybe it's a blog, a diary, a best friend, a forum, someone you randomly met online, the library, a park, whatever. It's just somewhere where you're incredibly comfortable and okay with everything you say and do.
I want to go to my place. But I'm afraid.
No one should be afraid of their place. It's THEIR place. So why am I afraid of mine?

Who gets to determine when the old ends, and the new begins?

2008-12-16T02:30:00.006-07:00

I really like the look of the snow outside all over everything. In fact, it's probably actually one of the very few sights I love and find incredibly beautiful. I just wish the cold didn't have to come with it so I could enjoy it.
I love sitting by the fire, all curled up, with hot chocolate, and just staring at it and feeling the warmth in the room.
I love making people happy. Especially people who I really care about. Especially when they're having a hard time and need to be lifted up. No one deserves to deal with bad shit, so why can't more people help make it better?
I love the spirit of Christmas, and the scents and flavours and joys associated around it. It's just pleasant, and relaxing, and exciting.
I love seeing friends I haven't seen in what feels like decades. The reaction they give you gives you an idea of how much they missed you - and whether or not it matches. It was just so great to see the matching reactions I needed.

Generally, I'm in a bit of a pensive mood. I'm not entirely clear on my thoughts, so I'm just expressing the positive ones.
Back to Grey's.
(PS: updated the quotes =) )

Grey's really has the best lines.

2008-12-15T02:59:00.006-07:00

"The truth is, Derek, I love you...in a really, really big 'pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you' love you. So pick me, choose me, love me." -Meredith Grey
"Trust me, Nicole, you don't want to cheat your first kiss. When you find that right person, the first kiss is everything" -Alex Kerav
"Life's too short for you to give in, Irish. So fight. Fight for what's yours" -Sophie

I've thrown away many things that could've been much more

2008-12-14T23:12:00.002-07:00

You, make me laugh really hard.
And you, well, I really miss you. Like you have no idea.
And you...sigh. I have so much to say.

That is all. Oh, I'm in Calgary. I guess that's a good tidbit of info.
And I made brownies.
That's about it.

Everybody just wants to have some fun.

2008-12-11T03:32:00.001-07:00

Why is it always the truth that's the hardest thing to face?

Well, maybe just a half a drink more.

2008-12-08T18:10:00.004-07:00

There is snow on the ground. I'm listening to Christmas music, and cutting out paper snowflakes, and about to open my advent calendar for the day.
Rashida is 99% most likely moving out of our suite next semester.
My aunt and I are going out for dinner Friday night.
Mesa and I are about to watch the newest episode of Gossip Girl.
I'm done Eclipse, and now on to Breaking Dawn. As well as season two of Grey's.
I'm done sociology forever.
Yipee! =)

(This picture is from Lake Louise from Valentine's Day, but whatever. It's the nicest snow picture I could find.)

Nos chemins vont se recroiser

2008-12-05T22:20:00.002-07:00

Twilight was actually really awesome. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If you don't compare it to the book, anyway. Compared to the book, it's terrible. But my lord, Robert Pattinson is...he just melts my heart. I love him. He's my one exception to the no-marriage thing =)

I'm now going to organize my iPod, since I just added over 1000 new songs to it. Thanks, Tyler! =)

I'm generally content. Let's just hope this keeps up.

PS, please stop being so noisy. It irritates me.

Coming back for even more of exactly the same.

2008-12-05T02:10:00.001-07:00

That was really nice. Honestly. I want this to work this way, and I think now it can.
I've missed having you around. Welcome back =)

I'd really like to live beside you, baby

2008-12-04T16:21:00.002-07:00

MASS REALIZATION. It's December. In a few short weeks, do you know what time it'll be? I doubt it, so I'm going to tell you.
It'll be the time of the year where we make the Top 10 Best/Worst Albums, Movies, Moments, etc. of 2008.
I'M SO EXCITED. I love this time of year. It gives me something to do, and makes me feel accomplished, in a sense.

I'm falling apart in your hands again

2008-12-04T13:41:00.005-07:00

I've decided that I don't think I'm going to get married. I don't really know what sparked this, but I don't know, it just seems like a comforting thing. Don't ask me why. I just don't have the desire to get married anymore. My perfect wedding dream is shot anyway, so it's not like it would make a difference.
I think about the weirdest things sometimes.

Lighter note: I've succumbed to Twitter. I don't know why. But I have. Look me up, I suppose. Though I'm already following most of you: tinorangeginger.
And the semester is officially over for me. All that's left is exams, which I'm royally screwed for.
I can't believe how fast this semester went. It's crazy...and leaving me speechless, actually.
I guess time really does pass. Even for me.

Stuck between the burning light and the dusty shade

2008-12-02T13:48:00.002-07:00

I thought of two more reasons why you should make the effort to come tonight! I have these obnoxiously bright flag stickies in my book that you can see from the upper deck. And I'm sick AND faking soprano. Probably the funniest thing ever. Though Sean Connery is still the best reason.

It's still snowing. S, M, and I are all sick. It's ridiculous.

I finished Twilight last night. I loved it. But New Moon is depressing. I just need to trudge through it. Which I'm going to do now.

You found all the words you need, well, I found nothing

2008-12-01T22:58:00.004-07:00

EDIT: I REMEMBERED WHAT I HAD TO SAY! LOOK AT THE BOTTOM! =)
It's snowing. Which, in Lethbridge, means wet snow. But it's snowing none the less.

The woman next to me in choir today was wearing combat boots. I was thoroughly impressed, because she's about my mom's age. It was cool.

I think it's one of the most depressing things to be performing, and looking out into a crowd where you don't recognize a single face. For cereal, it sucks. So, if you are in Lethbridge tomorrow, and not doing anything at 8pm, come to the Southminister church (4th Ave, just a right off Stafford =) ), and watch a lovely performance. It's actually a good one. I can give you reasons why you should come too.
1. It would make me incredibly happy.
2. I will owe you something afterward. You pick, I'll do it (with some exceptions)
3. The woman who stands in front of me looks like a frog. And she acts like one too. It's hilarious.
4. You have nothing better to do =P
And, if none of those are good enough for you, I have saved the best for last. The number five reason why you should come is because our solo bassist looks AND sounds like Sean Connery. Not even kidding. And if that isn't good enough to sell you to come, I don't know what is. It's like seeing Sean Connery himself perform in my choir.
See how desperate I am? Pretty please, come? Someone?

I had something else I was going to say, but the thought has escaped me. Oh well. It'll come to me at some point.
EDIT: What I was going to say was that another good thing about today is that it's the first of December, which means that it's the first day of advent calendars!! Yay!!

Like it or not, even though she's a lot like me, we're not the same

2008-12-01T18:49:00.003-07:00

Today hasn't been so bad. And now that I say that, I probably jinxed it. But I was asleep by 1, went to spanish, got let out early, had a nap, got dressed and looked 'look down' good, it was 15 degrees out, sociology went by fast, got free pizza for dinner, and just chilled otherwise. It was nice.
Now it's almost time for choir. Gross. Well, faking soprano will at least be an adventure once again. It's actually kind of funny how dumb I am sometimes.

I need to figure out how to be smart enough to save 6000$ in the next year. Plus money for school. Sigh. Maybe I'll just need to whore myself out on a street corner after all, and sell drugs while I'm at it. A two for one kind of deal. Haaa. But seriously, I need to find a way to make myself save that much money. You know, once I get a job. We'll see, I guess. I am open to suggestions.

Just so you know, I'm still here. If you ever want to talk, or just hang out, or whatever. I'm here.

Just when I think I'm doing alright, someone says that magic word and then

2008-11-30T01:53:00.003-07:00

So honest to blog, we had the WORST luck today. Murphy's Law totally kicked our asses. Let me tell you what went down =)
So we woke up, and I tried to buy Taylor Swift tickets. I got wicked awesome seats on the floor, tenth row. Yes, floor. Tenth row. And then I went to pay for them, and it said that my time had run out, when it hadn't. So I had to try for like, half an hour to get seats that were even relatively close to being as good, and I ended up with 25th row on the floor. Which isn't bad at all, so it worked it. It was just a waste of time and annoying.
Next, we were suppose to leave at 10:30, and we didn't get out of our rooms until 11:30, and then we went to go get coffee from Tim's. On the drive, my coffee spilled all over my pants (which I just washed yesterday), so that wasn't fun.
Then we were on the 519, and suddenly my engine starts steaming, the light for it comes on, and my car starts to slow down without me doing anything. Yay for an overheated engine in the middle of nowhere. So we pulled over, called AMA (the guy was really funny, actually. He laughed at all my stupid jokes =) ), and they said a tow truck would be there in an hour and a half. We then had to call B, because the guy said that we could only fit two people in the tow truck, and there were three of us (I tried to convince him that M was short, thin, and asian so she didn't count as a real person. He laughed really hard.), and we woke him up and I reminded him that I saved his life, so he said he'd come get us. So at this point, we'd be sitting in the car for half an hour, and M was being stupid and talking about animorphs, and S was colouring, and I was reading Twilight and calling people to inform them of my stupidity. Then the tow truck came half an hour later (so an hour early), and B had just left, so he wasn't even close to being there yet. So the truck driver said he could take all of us, even though he technically wasn't allowed to, but he also wasn't allowed to leave anyone on the side of the road. So we all piled in, and he thought we were like, 21 or something, because he kept talking to us about all these bars that used to exist in Calgary on what was then Electric Ave, and we just pretended like we understood.
B met us in Claresholme, because we weren't sure what the deal with my car would be. Turns out their service hours ended half an hour before we got there, so we just chilled because my dad called and said him and my grandpa would drive down, and then they'd take us to Calgary. So B came for no reason, and we all felt bad, so we bought him A&W. And then continued to spend another two hours in Claresholme. The lady at the car place was really nice though, so it was cool.
My dad finally showed up, and I was scared because my mom called and told me that my grandpa was pissed (which he wasn't, really), and then we chilled for another half hour while he tried to fix my car.
He somehow managed to (it was some shit with the anti-freeze cap, and the radiator got too hot because it all leaked out. I don't know. If I were a boy, I would know how to fix this shit, and we wouldn't have been in this situation, haha), and then my grandpa drove the car back while the rest of us (minus B, who went home as soon as my dad got there because he was too embarrassed to face him) piled into the buick-mobile with my dad. M and my dad chatted the whole time, and it was like they were BFFs. It was so weird. And as we were driving, once again, my coffee spilled on me. Wtf. Coffee and I aren't friends right now.
So we got to Calgary, took my parents car, and tried to cram all the shit we planned on doing into the time we had left. I ended up meeting with Rebecca about three hours late because of it, S didn't tell her family that she was coming and she wanted to surprise them but they weren't home (she thought they were dead and cried), and we spent very little time with our families. AND I couldn't find the Digimon movie. Wtf! Not cool.
We wanted to leave at 10, but we didn't pick up S until 11:30, so we didn't leave the city until midnight (cause we wanted to make a liquor store stop, because at this point, we just wanted to get drunk for having such a stupid day). And we got here at 1:30, snuck in our cube and mickeys, and then N showed up, because he got a complaint that we were being too loud even though we just came in. So we scrambled to hide our booze, and M was being stupid and put empty bottles in the recycling and he could hear it, ahaha. But he didn't care, because they were empty, and she brought him salad rolls, so he ate them, chatted, found out that he's the meatspin monster, and left.
Now the three of us are chilling, B's over and looking through M's phone and freaking her out with more meatspin, and I'm here.
So that was our stupid, adventurous day. Otherwise known as 'Death by Francesca', as S would call it. All because we left our leftover pizza in the fridge, and the pizza god was angry. Go figure.

Congrats if you read all of that. I'm impressed. And I love you for it.

I'm worn out, I'm worn thin, I will never break through

2008-11-28T15:41:00.004-07:00

Today is my blog's anniversary. Happy anniversary, blog. At least something in my life can last a year.

Anyway, Studio was wicked last night. We actually had so much fun. Blake kept trying to get me drunk, and succeeded, haha, and S and B had some fun of their own =P But it was actually just a lot of fun. And there were so many funny, incredibly random moments. Yay Studio!

I didn't go to any classes today, because I woke up still drunk. It was epic. I talking to K(other K. The awesome one.), which was really good, because we haven't talked in a while. She seems to be doing well, given her current situation. I miss her!

Calgary tomorrow! Woot woot! Yay random day trips! Yay free viet food! And bagels! And Peter's Drive-In! And seeing friends I haven't seen in a million years!! It seems to be a promising day. I hope, anyway.

Blame me for the mistakes you made but you can't own.

2008-11-26T04:17:00.003-07:00

Seriously, what the hell are Warner Brother's thinking? They divided Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows into TWO parts, and they're being released between SIX MONTHS of each other.
I hate them a little bit. It makes me want to jump off a bridge.
Speaking of movies though, I kind of want to see Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging. Though the characters look nothing like I pictured them.

Bed time. My sleeping schedule is wickedly screwed.

I wanna take a ride on your disco stick.

2008-11-26T01:21:00.001-07:00

I blog a lot sometimes. I can't sleep again, since I had a nap until ten. I should probably try though. Or at least read.

I really dislike everything about this. Can we fix it?

Can't help it if there's no one else

2008-11-25T22:32:00.004-07:00

Concert listing time! Let me know if you want to/can go to them =) I'll need a buddy.
MSTRKRFT December 17 Whiskey
Lights January 13 Warehouse
Anberlin with Madina Lake and Between the Trees January 26 Warehouse
Brad Paisley February 21 Saddledome
Hawksley Workman February 28 Mac Hall
Johnny Reid April 6 Enmax Centre
Taylor Swift (!!!!!!!!!!!) July 8 Saddledome
Kenny Chesney July 10 Saddledome

Yipee! I love concerts. I wish I had the money to go to all of them though.

2008-11-25T17:59:00.002-07:00

Apparently going 40 hours without sleep results in getting the flu of some sort. Of course these things happen to me.
Something tells me I'm not going to be going to class tomorrow.
I kind of want to go home, actually. Sigh.

When you walk away, nothing more to say

2008-11-24T23:08:00.001-07:00

I'm having a total wtf moment. I'm also not tired at all, and I haven't slept in 33 hours. My body probably hates me.

The way I see things, I wish they could be true

2008-11-24T16:10:00.003-07:00

In the last 26 hours, I've slept for maybe half an hour. And I surprisingly feel fine. Yipee! I like days like this. Though I'm totally going to crash and burn later.

CARRIE UNDERWOOD TONIGHT! So stoked. I met up with J today and got my tickets, though he's not sure if we're sitting together or not. But that's okay, I still have K, even though she's kind of getting on my nerves lately. Whatever.

I finished the first season of Gossip Girl, and now I'm trying to watch the first episode of the second one, but there's no sound for any video I watch...It's so weird. And depressing.

That's about it. Just useless chatter.

Show me how to lie, you're getting better all the time

2008-11-24T05:12:00.002-07:00

Course registration is a huge pain in the ass. Seriously. I still can't get into French, which is my minor, so I kind of need it. I guess I'll just wait a few days and see. Otherwise, I got into my other four courses, which is awesome. If I don't get into French, I may just stick with the four. Then I'm done my days by noon every day =) We'll see.

I hope the rest of your registering didn't have a huge struggle doing it. I know it's causing S mass amounts of annoyance, since she only got into two of hers.

I'm not even tired, and I haven't slept at all. I guess sleeping in late does that. I'll just be sure to make coffee before class.

I'm having one of those days. Blah. Gossip Girl time.

2008-11-23T16:21:00.002-07:00

Only points today:
1. I have insanely weird body highs.
2. Getting lost in Lethbridge is really hard to do.
3. Doing nothing is fun.
4. This week is going to suck. Actually, this next month is going to suck.
5. Most important point: wtf, life. Wtf.

2008-11-21T22:24:00.002-07:00

I'm never leaving C-Section ever again. Not even kidding. Never leaving. Sorry.

Funny story though. Because we're still detox, even if we're 18, we can't have booze here. So the guys across the hall have E over, and they're drinking and playing video games. And N comes down, and so we start distracting him so the boys can hide their booze. They don't get the hint. So N walks into their room, sees a 24 of Boxer, and says "Wow, you guys are fucked" and then he sees a mini keg of Heineken, and says "Wow, you guys are so, SO fucked". Then he made them dump it all and wrote them up. He said his heart broke a little inside as he watched them do this. And they JUST bought this shit. I laughed so hard. Oh, those boys are dumb sometimes =)

2008-11-21T00:15:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to apologize to everyone who dealt with me today. I feel like I should. Insomnia makes me a bitch, apparently. So I'm sorry.

I'm also sorry that I don't really feel like talking lately. I find myself talking to myself, and writing in my journal, rather than sharing with others. It's nothing personal. I'm just trying to figure out what the hell my life is about right now.

I'm still here. I hope you are too.

It's not possible for me not to care

2008-11-20T03:17:00.004-07:00

I seriously think we have insomnia. S, M, and I (yes, we're kicking this Gossip Girl style) are still awake, and still not tired at all, and it's like, almost 3:30 in the morning. S and I just got back from upstairs, where we ate a whole loaf of bread in the form of toast with cream cheese, and chatted with M2 and G for a while. And we're still hungry, so we made rice and tea. We're very azn. M put the fucking chair in front of the door since we left and didn't tell her and didn't take our phones. It happens. Now we're going to watch Semi-Pro.
Well, on the bright side, at least we're not going to bed after eating so much. We'll be awake and burning those calories off. S is eating Fun Dip....I don't know why...we're about to have rice....what a nutcase.
ANYWAY, movie time. I just wanted all of you to know about my insomniac adventures. And I'm going on another Facebook leave for a while. These things are good for my health every once in a while.

Miley Cyrus ruined this song by adding 7 Things I Like About You at the end. LAMESAUCE. But Another Way to Die, which we're listening to now, is amazing. You should all download it.

S: WAAAAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
(She's a bit odd. Sorry for the very unorganized and random blog post.)

lylnlt,
Zoë Chlorophyll
(I even had a sign off!)

2008-11-19T00:35:00.000-07:00

If you have any love for James Bond, don't see the new one. It's terrible. Honest to blog. It's so bad. The best thing about it was that the theme is by Jack White. Bond girls aren't hot, there's no sex, there's no PLOT because it's not based off a book, there's mindless action that would be okay if they weren't trying so hard to pretend like there was a plot to incorperate it with, and there's randomly a vag shot. Seriously, don't go.

I miss screaming, and fighting, and kissing in the rain

2008-11-18T13:49:00.003-07:00

So I got an email from the France lady today, and I'm not getting an interview. Lamesauce. Oh well, whatever. It's my first year, I wasn't expecting anything more. Whatevs, not letting it get to my head =)

I have a list of things I need to do, but I'm way too lazy to anything right now. I'll get on it in a bit, I guess. Though I really need to do laundry, because I'm on my last pair of jeans. Sigh.

New music Tuesday! I'm going to buy some music now. And subscribe to podcasts. I'm addicting to podcasts now. It's terrible.

All those other girls, well, they're beautiful, but would they write a song for you?

2008-11-17T00:13:00.001-07:00

Last night was actually pretty awesome. Except, you know, being "too drunk" to be let back into the bar. And some other moments I'm having a hard time suppressing. And being an oblivious idiot. But whatevs.

We're (Cathie, Mesa, and I) are actually having a productive night. We've been doing homework/studying for the last hour. I'm just taking a break cause I finished my spanish thing. I have like, three more units to do though...boo. Actually, I want to watch Harry Potter. So I'll go do that.

I miss you, dearies.

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand.

2008-11-13T17:43:00.002-07:00

While I was in the shower, I made a list of things that could've possibly happened to me while I was in there:
1. seizure
2. raped
3. murdered
4. the appearance of the Grudge chick
5. drain monster.
There was a reason behind this list, haha. Our shower light is on the fritz, so it's just flashing on and off spastically. It's exactly like a horror movie. So yeah.

Today, I went to the bank and realized how much I seriously need a job. It's fucking ridiculous how much money I've spent since I've been here. I can't even believe it, let alone really know where it all went.
With all that being said, I'm buying a hoodie online as we speak. Sigh.

I love Taylor Swift. This album rocks.

Where did we go wrong? We were once so strong

2008-11-11T02:14:00.006-07:00

It's 2:30am. I got home at about 12:30am. For the last two hours, I've managed to clean and rearrange my entire room. Seriously. My bed used to be on the side facing the door, now it's in line with the window. And I moved my desk to where my bed used to be.
I'm basically now just waiting for Byron and Melissa to leave my bed, so I can get some sleep. I'm tired.

Today was an interesting day. I want to say that it was good, but that one thing just totally threw me off for the whole day. I don't know. Whatever.

Life would be a lot easier if I weren't conscious of the fact that you're always on my mind. Just throwing that out there, haha.

Scout is pretty awesome, by the way. I'm sad that she's not an S&P, but this is still just fine with me =)

And if I change my mind a million times

2008-11-04T01:35:00.002-07:00

I really, really just want to see my baby. It'd make me incredibly happy.

So despite the lack of studying, tonight=awesome. Jap adventures, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, and nights with RA's are just rad.

I'm going to sleep, I think. I have all day tomorrow to study, since I don't have any classes!

Nobody understands your melancholy mind

2008-11-03T14:44:00.003-07:00

I was quite literally still drunk until about two hours ago. I woke up drunk, went to class and wrote a test, hung out, spent four hours drinking one cup of coffee, went to another class, and then went to the gym. Now I'm exhausted.

I'm going on detox for the week. Cathie and I aren't drinking or eating out at all. And we're going to be super hardcore at the gym every day. It'll be a nice week.

We have inspections this week, and I'm trying so hard to focus on cleaning, but I'm way too tired to do it. But I have to. The boys' room is like, cleaner than when they first moved in. I'm not even kidding. I'm actually really proud of them. They went to all their classes today, Donovan hasn't touched WOW all day, and their room is clean. That's a lot more than I can say for us.

Cathie wants me to say that she has a really, really big stomach. I guess she's pregnant. OH WAIT. She can't be...Tom came, and BB can't. =)

2008-11-02T18:31:00.002-07:00

Alright, so ignore the freak out. I had a slight meltdown for terrible reasons, and now I feel better.

Schanks was very awesome. I drank almost 200 bucks worth of booze by the end of the night. It was lovely, haha. And I remember most of it. Some parts are fuzzy though. But whatever.
MY PARENTS GOT ME A GUITAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY! AND I GOT THE FIRST TWO SEASONS OF THE OFFICE! AND HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU! AND BOOZE! AND MONEY!
I love birthdays.

Mesa, Javier and I are going to Wok Box for dinner soon =) I'm stoked. Then we're going to the Duke! Yay! =)

2008-11-01T01:52:00.002-06:00

It's my fucking birthday. No one should ever be upset on their birthday. So why do I feel like shit?
I fucking hate this. So, so much. What the hell.
I hate this, I hate you, I hate everything.
But at the same time, I don't.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T BE CRYING.
Fuck my life.

Wake up, and smell the break up

2008-10-30T17:37:00.001-06:00

I hate the connections out here. Limewire and my torrents take for freaking ever.
Though I bought some sweet posters today, and they look very good on my wall. I enjoy Andy Warhol a lot lot lot. I'm glad I bought those =)

I need to clean my room again. It's so small that it gets messy so fast. I also need to call my mommy, and learn how to play an F so I can write this song, and knit while watching Planet Terror.
So I guess I should get off the computer.

I'll always love you, baby. Always and never.

2008-10-30T01:43:00.002-06:00

I freaking love Sin City. It is just such a good movie. Though every time I watch it, I want to be a stripper assassin, because they're fucking sweet.

I finally started knitting again. I decided to do that instead of write music, because no one was around to teach me how to play an F properly (seriously. Bitchiest chord EVER.). So I spent an hour rolling the biggest ball of yarn ever, spent another hour and a half going back and forth between cleaning and trying to remember how to cast on, another half hour casting on and off, trying to make it less tight, and then I finally fucking got it, haha. It'll be pretty though =)

I think I'm going to hit the hay though. I'm pretty tired, and I promised Cathie I'd wake up to go to the poster sale tomorrow morning. Sigh. I need to learn to wake up so I can go to class.

I don't want to lie about it, I'm not bulletproof

2008-10-29T16:50:00.002-06:00

Last night, Donovan and I had a sleepover, haha. It was nice =)

I have Blue Rodeo stuck in my head since Cathie and I were listening to it in the car. But my computer is being a huge bitch, and won't connect to anything other than blogger. Come on, Zeebo, do something!
Also, almost two weeks later, my fucking torrent is finally almost done. 81%. Only 19 more to go.

I made gym goals last night! I'm going to tone up everything, flatten my stomach, ditch these freaking love handles, and lose 12 pounds by the end of the semester. And then keep it that way. I lost five pounds in a week, but then I gained three, and then I lost one and a half yesterday, and one again today. And my abs are killing me, because Kaitlin, Cathie and I had an epic floor workout today.
I love the gym. I really do. I'm happy I now have it to distract me.

Now I'm going to continue attempting to write music on the guitar. I called my mom today and told her all I wanted for my birthday was an acoustic-electric (like Candy Eyes), and I didn't care about anything else. She said we'll see. So hopefully this weekend, I get to go guitar shopping! That would be fab =)

Anyway, yes. Writing now.

Dear Vince:

2008-10-28T23:04:00.000-06:00

Please stop being a huge pain in my ass so I can print this off, so I can start writing music for my songs.
Thank you.

Love to think that you couldn't love another

2008-10-28T22:05:00.002-06:00

This has become far, far too much for me to handle on my own. And I don't know what to do about it. I still have the same list of solutions, the same list of approaches, the same list of conclusions. But none of them are working. None.
Fuck my life.

My, my, I could never let you go.

2008-10-27T15:19:00.003-06:00

Today has not been a good day. I've had many things that were suppose to go well, go terribly wrong, and it's really disappointing. Even going to the gym wasn't as satisfying as it usually is. I increased my workout, and I didn't even break a sweat. My mom got really mad at me for dropping bio, and I tried to explain to her that it's better if I withdraw from a course than failing it, and she's still pissed. Sigh. Whatever.

But now I'm Skyping Rae, Kees, and Jenny, which is kind of nice, since I haven't talked to them in a bit. By 'talked to them', I mean haven't skyped them. Slash I haven't talked to Jenny since June. So that was pleasant.

Things better get better soon. Or I will not pleased.

She's never gonna love you like I want to.

2008-10-26T23:39:00.001-06:00

I fucking hate my life. My iPod just erased itself, and now I have to resync and reorganize the whole thing. All my playlists, everything is gone. FUCKK.
Seriously, falling apart. This isn't cool. Fuck my life.

I like Taylor Swift's new songs though. They're cute.

Thought you felt it too when there was me and you

2008-10-26T21:27:00.001-06:00

I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY. BUT I CAN'T FUCKING SAY IT.
Fuck my fucking life.

Cause what I need, I just don't have

2008-10-26T03:47:00.003-06:00

I just finished cleaning my room. Entirely. Earlier, I cleaned my floor, vacuumed, and put clothes away. Now, I just reorganized my desk and my drawers, I put up all the printed pictures I had, organized my music binder, alphabetized my movies and moved them, and reorganized my books.
This is what I do when I'm stressed out.

I also forgot to mention something good (say what?!) that happened today: Justin called me up, and apparently he has a friend who had eight extra tickets to Carrie Underwood. So now Kaitlin and I are going! With Justin and one of his friends! Yay! =)

Love of my life, you hurt me

2008-10-26T00:30:00.006-06:00

"One day can make your life. One day can ruin your life. All life is, is four or five big days that change everything" -Drew Barrymore
"Sometimes we love people so much, we have to be numb to it. If we actually felt how much, it would kill us. That doesn't make you a bad person. It means your heart's too big." -Brittany Murphy
Tonight, Caitlin and I watched Riding in Cars with Boys, and that's what those two quotes are from. That movie is actually a lot deeper than I remembered to be, and there are so many moments where I'm like "That was a brilliant line" or "Wow, I can really relate to that right now." I just really like that movie. Though it made me think a lot more than I felt like thinking.

"I know we didn’t plan this and neither of us really thought it was gonna happen but life is like that, you know? You can’t plan for it and even if we did, life doesn’t care about your plans, necessarily, and you just kinda have to go with the flow and I just know my job is to just support you in whatever it is you wanna do. I’m in, so whatever you wanna do, I’m gonna do." -Seth Rogan (Knocked Up)
I don't like being lost. I don't like not knowing what to do. I like having a plan, and sticking to the plan. I wish life would care about my plans, because I do, and when you have a plan, everything is just easier.
This wasn't part of the plan. And yes, I'm aware that life doesn't care about my plans.
I'm so, so much stronger than this. I know I am. But I just can't seem to acknowledge it.
I guess I have to just go with the flow.

I could do it again, I could do it with poise

2008-10-25T01:13:00.002-06:00

PUPPY PUPPY PUPPY PUPPY PUPPY! My aunt sent me pictures of her today!! This is what she looks like!! (she's a treewalker coon hound. Not a dachshund. My bad.) Isn't she adorable?! My parents are going to meet her and the owner on Monday! I REALLY WANT HER. But I'm apparently not allowed to name her, but she TOTALLY looks like a Charlie. You can't even deny it. She's a Charlie. Her name now is Daisy, which I think it dumb and has to go. My mom wants to name her Stella (um, ew?) or Sophie (so plain. And my uncle's sister's dog is named Sophie). Sorry, I'm just so excited about getting this dog that I typed like I was CJ Workman writing for the Advocate.

I was going to go home tomorrow, but now I don't think I want to. With everyone being away, I think I'm better off. I have time to distract myself and actually get shit done.

Also, I bought Intimately Beckham perfume and lotion today, and it smells like heaven. If Victoria Beckham desgined heaven, that is. But seriously, I want to smell like that all the time. It's amazing.

I'm suppose to wait up for the guys, since they were wasted and then went to Essie's. I just want to see if they'll actually make it home =)

2008-10-24T10:40:00.002-06:00

I woke up this morning thinking that all the shit that has happened was just a bad dream. I'm not even kidding. I woke up and thought "man, what a terrible dream"...and then I remembered it was all reality.
I don't know how I'm expected to write an exam under this kind of weather.
I'm falling so hard into this vicious cycle, and I can't seem to find a way out. I'm so lost and confused right now, and I don't know what to do other than run from it, which is the furthest thing from healthy.
I hate my life right now.

All I can do is love you to pieces

2008-10-23T23:58:00.002-06:00

I don't like being sad. I don't like having wicked headaches. I don't like hurting. I don't like bio. I don't like failing bio. I don't like thinking all these stupid thoughts.
Is having things get better so much to ask for? I can feel myself falling apart with every bit of stress that comes into my life. It doesn't even matter what it is. Anything that would cause me the slightest bit of stress makes me slowly fall apart. But it's thickening, and the speed that I'm falling at is quickening, and I'm getting sucked back into a world I ran away from years ago.
I don't know what to do anymore.

Have you ever felt this way before?

2008-10-23T17:29:00.002-06:00

Rachel, I couldn't sleep, okay? Cut me some slack =P

I love my aunt. She just makes me feel so much better. She kind of ruined a surprise from my family, but we're apparently getting another puppy!!! I'm so excited!! But I'm suppose to pretend like I don't know, so I subtly added it onto my birthday list, because my mom doesn't know that I talked to my aunt =) So when they call me later, I'll kind of hint at it. Muhaha. I want a puppy! That would be so awesome!! She's like, 6 months old, and a dachshund, and ahh! I love puppies.

I also love Katie's company. She always knows exactly what I'm going through, and exactly what to say. I'm happy I went to visit her in the apartments today.

I went to the gym for an hour and a half today. I feel so good. Except I got a cramp, and I'm really hoping it doesn't happen again at basketball tonight. We'll see how it goes, I guess.

I'm now drinking coffee and caramel Bailey's and am going to study for a bit. I need to.

I'm so awake!!

This time I won't let you bring me down

2008-10-23T07:12:00.002-06:00

I just realized that all my blogs were being posted, and the time said it was an hour earlier than when it actually was. I fixed it though.

I'm absolutely freezing, and feel like I'm going to throw up, and generally incredibly sick to my stomach. What does this mean?

If I never see your face again, I don't mind.

2008-10-23T06:12:00.000-06:00

I apparently got some eyebrow burnage too.
That's impressive, frankly.

Cathie finally came home. She's sleeping in my bed now. My practice cover letter looks okay. But it's also 6:13 in the morning, so who knows what it really looks like.

I don't know what you want from me.

2008-10-23T05:29:00.000-06:00

Not having facebook drives someone crazy at this hour. But at least it's motivating me to do other things.
I'm learning how to write a proper cover letter from WikiHow, since I'm completely useless and haven't written a real cover letter in my entire life (the one we did for health in grade nine SO doesn't count). This way, I can write my cover letter, send it to my daddy to look over it, translate it (because it's a french job. I should have a copy in each language, right?), and send it in to the woman I'm suppose to send it in to.
I tried studying for a bit too, but I couldn't do it. I'll have to try again in like, an hour, because I really need to study. Like so bad. I can't afford to fail bio. If I keep doing as crappily as I'm doing in my classes as I am now, I'm not going to France. And frankly, that's the only thing I'm looking forward to in my life right now. So I need to get my ass in gear.

With all that being said, I'm going to go work on my cover letter now.
(Expect me to blog a lot without facebook in my life.)

HAHAHAHAHA

2008-10-23T01:25:00.000-06:00

I burnt my bangs and some of my eyelashes off!
HAHAHAHAHA. Oh man. Only I'm capable of something like that.

I like slurpees, and besties (Kathleen, where are you? I miss you.), and laughing at all the stupid shit in the world, and liquor store hunts, and calling my parents at 1:20 in the morning to tell them something not so important, but I felt like doing it anyway, and yeah. That's about it.

I love you all. Well, most of you, anyway <3

PS. I'm going Facebook free for a while. So if you need to get in touch, text or email me!

I need ya right now.

2008-10-22T21:21:00.000-06:00

I know that she added me as a friend, but I can never bring myself to actually comment on Leah Sato's notes, and I don't know why. I love everything she puts in her notes, and I just want to comment on them! Maybe I will one day.

I made a workout playlist today while Cathie and I were at the gym, since, you know, it's our new thing. We've been every day for the last three days. I'm very proud of us, seeing as we're usually lazy as fuck.

If you haven't seen the trailer for Repo! The Genetic Opera yet, GO DO IT NOW. Seriously, you have no idea how excited I am for this movie. It looks brilliant.

And, well, all I have left to say now is oh boy...

Am I giving in or giving up?

2008-10-22T00:46:00.001-06:00

Man, I have such a wicked case of the munchies right now. It's not cool. They're never this bad.

Today was another good day. Things are just progressively getting better. I made the right choice, I guess.

I don't know why you think that, and well, every thing else is okay. You just can't do shit like that. Sorry to burst your little bubble.

Howard Cable is a terrible, terrible composer. And he's coming to our choir concert. I plan on telling him how much his music sucks. So if you never see another piece by Howard Cable, it's because of me =)

Anyway. That's all I wanted to say. Love love.

She looks like a movie star

2008-10-20T18:55:00.001-06:00

I love Dana. She makes me smile =)
I also love Emily, Kiersten, Katie, Cathie, and Melissa for the same reasons. They've made me exceptionally happy today.
Emily is bad at dropping subtle hints though, haha. But that's okay. I'm very glad her and Ben are together. They're adorable, in that disgusting attached at the face way.

Tonight will be a good night. Wings at The Duke (hopefully) + volleyball watching + straight up chilling.

Cleaning time! And then Sim-ing it up.

There are three songs playing at once.

2008-10-19T23:45:00.000-06:00

I'm happy. I just wanted to say that.
The last 24 hours have been very nice. I love you guys.

My room smells like pot cause the guys across the hall were making weed tea, and it was so strong that the scent got all the way over here.

Church was really good, actually. I'm really glad Byron came.

And...I'm really excited to learn about baseball...=)

2008-10-18T00:16:00.000-06:00

Fuck this shit.

My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

2008-10-17T11:28:00.000-06:00

Cathie and I are going to record a cover of Bleeding Love. You know, once we pull our act together and can figure out harmonies.
I'm very awake right now. I'm in the process of writing music (yes, actual music!) for my latest song on guitar (yes, on guitar!). It's going alright, I guess. I'm learning things.
Once I figure shit out, I'll probably just make a myspace account so you all can hear it. It'll be lovely.

Oh, and spanish midterm? As easy as a cheap hooker. I raped that test.
(I probably shouldn't have use "cheap hooker" and "raped" to describe the same thing. Oh well.)

I like Fridays. But I wish I didn't have to go to bio. =(

Today feels like a good day. I hope I don't jinx it by saying that.

You once whispered words to me.

2008-10-17T03:02:00.000-06:00

I wrote a song instead. It's in my writing blog. Go check it out!

I never thought I could love anyone but myself.

2008-10-17T02:25:00.000-06:00

I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping. I think the coffee finally kicked in. The point is, I've tried going to sleep, I've tried studying for spanish, I've tried cleaning (barely), and I just can't sleep. It's irritating.
My mind is all over the place, over thinking, and being irrational and unrealistic.
I just want it to shut up.
I guess I'll watch some Sex and the City.

We could spend some time together

2008-10-16T20:52:00.001-06:00

Does anyone else hate the symphonic band as much as I do right now?

Movies that are, and will be, out in the next month that I want to see.

2008-10-16T03:32:00.000-06:00

You know, just in case anyone wants to join me.

JULY/AUGUST 2008
~~The Dark Knight~~
~~Sex and the City~~
Kung Fu Panda
~~Wall-E~~
Hancock
Iron Man
Get Smart
*Wanted
~~Mamma Mia!~~
*The Rocker
*Step Brothers
Pineapple Express
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2
*American Teen
Tropic Thunder

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2008
Hamlet 2
How to Lose Friends and Alienate People
~~Burn After Reading~~
Passchendaele
Twilight
*RockNRolla
Flash of Genius
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
*Choke
*Eagle Eye
*Ghost Town
He's Just Not That Into You
*My Best Friend's Girl
*Vicky Cristina Barcelona
The Women
Max Payne
*Sex Drive
The Secret Life of Bees
*W
*Zack and Miri Make a Porno
*Pride and Glory
Repo! The Genetic Opera

Everything that has an asterix (*) is something that I'll potentially see in theatres.

But I'm telling you, I'm lonely too

2008-10-16T03:05:00.000-06:00

So I created a new blog. It's a writing blog. For those of you who know how to venture into the profile part of my page, and care to take a look, it's there.
I've created 13 posts already, some of which date back to 2005, so make the effort to check them all out, if you're bothering to take a look to begin with.
They're there for a reason.
Any questions, ask. It's as easy as that.
FAQ:
Q: How do I get to the profile part of your page?
A: Scroll to the end of that green box on the side there, and click 'View My Complete Profile'

Q: Where will I find your new blog?
A: Scroll down my complete profile, look under 'My Blogs', and click on 'imagination is better than knowledge.', and voila. You're there.

Q: I'm apparently not allowed to read it. What do I do about that?
A: Ask. It's an invite-only kind of dealie. So please, ask, and I'll include you right away.

See? I've made this process dummy-proof. Though, you know, I could've just given you the link. But I didn't feel like it. This is more fun =)

I'm only here to help you learn to love me

2008-10-16T01:11:00.000-06:00

Are any of you really good at writing cover letters?
I need some help. I'm terrible at these things.

Love is a symphany, come sing some with me

2008-10-15T19:08:00.000-06:00

I'm pretty sure I need to spend a lot more time to me.
I'm at the point where I can only handle you in small doses before I start to feel sorry for myself, and over think things, and that really isn't cool.
I'm sorry I'm acting so bipolar, but I have to. It's the only thing keeping me stable, as ironic as that sounds.

La prochain fois, je penserai à moi

2008-10-14T22:37:00.000-06:00

I was absolutely exhausted all day that I was falling asleep and basically falling out of my chair in every class.
Now I have so much energy. This isn't good.
Anyway, I think it's a good thing, because I have a lot of energy while being in a good mood. I just need to be in a cleaning mood.

Wine and Cheese party tomorrow! =)

I've been waiting for a sign to tell me where I belong

2008-10-14T01:19:00.000-06:00

"i figure you will either keep talking to him, or not, but always feel the same so yeah"
He hit the nail right on the head with that one.
I think I knew that. I just needed to hear it.

2008-10-13T02:12:00.001-06:00

I am slowly going crazy, one, two, three, four, five, six, switch.

Because I want you more, I know

2008-10-12T16:31:00.000-06:00

Well, they finally noticed. In the middle of Future Shop. And yelled at me about it. In the middle of Future Shop.
Yay for being irresponsible, and never getting a job because of it!
/eye roll.

I'm seeing Natalie tonight!! I'm so excited. I miss her so much.

All in all, today hasn't been a good day. Not gonna lie. Hopefully it'll get better? I don't know.

2008-10-12T02:43:00.000-06:00

My family is so oblivious. I've had my labret pierced for about 13 hours, and they haven't noticed.
It's right in the middle of my face.
I wonder how long this will take.
Bets?

I'm not good at things I don't want to do

2008-10-11T21:32:00.000-06:00

I'm home alone on a Saturday night on a long weekend.
Could my life be anymore pathetic?

You change your mind like a girl changes clothes.

2008-10-10T00:08:00.000-06:00

I'm not in a good mood. And I just need someone to talk to. Or to talk to me. I don't care.
If you've read this, call me. I don't care who you are. Just, please.
I want to go home.

Night breaks my heart could not ache anymore

2008-10-09T15:40:00.001-06:00

64 pages have been read.
I'm going to take my exam in less than two hours.
I hate bio. With every fiber of my being.

I shouldn't have done that. It was a poor choice, and now I'm just going to be upset.
Blah.

Today should be better than this.

And now I wish that you were here.

2008-10-09T02:04:00.000-06:00

I have 118 pages of bio to read before I can take my test tomorrow.
2 down, 116 to go.
Guess who is going to take a long fucking nap tomorrow afternoon.

Wait for me, will you wait for me?

2008-10-08T15:16:00.001-06:00

It's been decided. I'm going to apply for a position to work at the Centre Juno Beach in Normandy, France for the summer. I wanted to go to Europe anyway, and I doubt I can afford it on my own...so why not just work there? I'd be gone from April 26 to August 31, 2009.
Wish me luck with this. It'd be an experience of a lifetime, and even though I'm not a big Canadian history buff, I'm willing to pretend to enjoy it for the purposes of doing this. Maybe I'll end up actually enjoying it, haha.

Also, Anberlin's new album is good. I'm quite enjoying it.

2008-10-08T11:38:00.001-06:00

You promised.

Baby, baby, baby, baby, tell me how

2008-10-08T00:56:00.000-06:00

This is going to be really hard. But it has to be done.
I miss you so much, and it's a huge problem.
So therefore, this has to happen. I hate it, and it sucks, but I have to.
Fuck my life.

In the end, it's me you're gonna miss

2008-10-07T12:31:00.000-06:00

It's time for a list, I think, of things I'm currently not a fan of:
i. You, and the way you've been treating me.
ii. The way I have to go about treating you.
iii. Failing a certain course that I need to pass.
iv. Thinking.
v. Excessive amounts of exams and reading.
vi. BFF's being far away
vii. That the week has barely even started, and it already sucks.
viii. Not being home.

You've been messin' where you shouldn't have been a-messin'

2008-10-05T23:04:00.000-06:00

In light of current events, I think I might actually have to listen to everyone.
It's better for me, for you, and for both our well being.
It'll suck, and it's going to be really hard. But I have to do it.
(What an appropriate song too)

On a lighter note, I freaking love Cathie.

2008-10-02T21:16:00.000-06:00

The only problem I have right now is the fact that I don't know what's safe to say to you, and what isn't. And it's not that I don't want to tell you things, or ask you things. I just don't know what's...acceptable.

Blue Sky Mine

2008-09-30T00:48:00.000-06:00

You worry me sometimes. I just want you to be okay, and realize how great you really are. I wish we could've had this kind of communication before.

I thought you were really the full deal, and I would never have to worry about finding anyone else. But now that I've had the time to think about it, I'm okay with the way things are. You're my best friend, and if there ever comes a time where we end up back to the way we were, then that's great. But if not, I don't care, as long as you're in my life.

That was my public-but-should-be-private spat.

On another note, I'm really surprised in myself right now. Yipee!

2008-09-28T00:46:00.000-06:00

This is so stupid.
There is so much I have to say and so much I want to know...but even when I'm drunk, I don't say anything.
Fuck my life.

I've been locked inside your heart-shaped box for weeks

2008-09-26T20:51:00.000-06:00

I told you not to be stupid. Either you're as good of an actor as I recently decided you are, or you just didn't notice.
Either way, I'm a little glad you didn't. It needs to wait.

So tonight, I was planning on going out, but I think I might just stay in. My family has disappeared, so I'm thinking I'll throw on some pj's and watch a Disney movie until they get home, and then play cards with my dad or something.
Having time to relax just seems like a better idea today.

Blankity blank blank

2008-09-24T11:29:00.000-06:00

Right now, I need my best friend. More than anyone else in the world.
Where are you? If you're reading this, give me a call or something. Please?
(And don't be stupid. You know who you are.)